Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Blood and glitter go together right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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