scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
