This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
