Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
