just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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