there's paper in my vomit.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
