my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
