So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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