and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
