ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
