Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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