We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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