You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My ATM looks so different sober.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
