Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
