cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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