Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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