This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
