Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
