well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
