Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
