Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
