i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
