hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
