Only a mothe r could love this liver
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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