my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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