Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
