On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
