if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
