Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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