New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
one might say we're banned from that church
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
