she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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