In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize