You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
