Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
