Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
