Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
