it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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