woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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