....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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