im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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