a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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