4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Floor bacon is actually really good
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
