All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
