No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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