Porn is love you can see.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
