life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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