Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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