First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
