haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
