Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
