There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
