dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
