I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
