Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
