I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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