I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
