farters have to be the big spoon...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
