He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How external is "for external use only"?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
