Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
