I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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