she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
