There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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