I showed him my bush... on skype.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
