I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
