i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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