Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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