She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
