mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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