i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
