you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
